Parents play a significant role in the life of a child, and that is why this topic is worth discussing. Parenting remains one of the many wonders of creation considering how it transcends beyond the human society to the world of animals.
Juxtaposing the roles of a teacher with that of a parent could be a bit difficult because of the level of bonding between those children and their teachers in school which is quite similar to that which exists between them and their parents at home. However, no matter how strong the bond is, that does not supersede the family bond existing between children and parents sealed by birth and blood.
Various researches show some similarities in parental involvement in children’s education based on racial prejudice. To expatiate on this, parental influence among Asian parents strikes some resemblance with that of African parents while American parents act in similarity with European parents. The coinage of the phrase ‘Tiger Parents’ to describe some Asian parents speaks a lot about their personalities and style of parenting. These are disciplinarians that want to see their children succeed with a high level of decorum through every reasonable means possible. From my wealth of experience as an African, an average African parent strikes some resemblance a lot with these Asian parents. On the other hand, an average European parent gives his child a level of liberty, and this liberalism is also very similar to that of an average American parent.
The consciousness of African parents about the rewarding nature of positive parental involvement in their children’s education is often triggered by the African traditional belief in eating the fruits of one’s labour. This is practically seen by me from day to day in my rapport as an educator with parents.
Does this idea of nurturing children to eat the fruit of one’s labour even work? Of course, it does. In my journey as an educator, children whose parents are reasonably and directly involved in their education ease teachers of some avoidable pressure. Even though I love to impact all my students, I’ll still rather firstly give attention to those whose projects and assignments have been properly done through the prompting of their parents. Wisdom and fairness (equity) require giving the diligent ones the attention they deserve. A child well nurtured and given tangible parental support has already faced and defeated some of the challenges that his ill-nurtured counterparts would later have to face in future.
Based on my experience as an educator, I will classify parents into three categories based on parental involvement in a child’s education:
1) The laissez-faire parents 2)The responsibility shifters 3) The visionary parents
The laissez-faire parents probably take pride in the title ‘parent’ but are very carefree about the welfare, especially the academic wellbeing of their children. It is quite unfortunate that circumstances surrounding the birth of a child could also be partly responsible for this ugly development.
The unfortunate contribution of school authorities in encouraging the lackadaisical act of nonchalant parents is also a factor that require the most urgent attention. Some of the parents in this category don’t value education and are thereby complacent with an ideology that destiny is constant, and hardwork doesn’t really influence a child’s destiny.
Unfortunately, the lackadaisical parents put their children’s fates at the mercy of failure and mediocrity. Behind the scene of every child’s future attainment is the style of parenting. In this current civilized world, many still downplay the critical role of parenting in shaping a child’s future, but I beg to differ.
As an educator, I have been privileged to have very confidential conversations with parents on their styles of parenting, and my discovery is that every child is endowed with a potential which may remain untapped without a huge support, motivation and guidance from the parents. An average child does better academically when his effort is met with an unwavering support and full cooperation from both parents and teachers. The truth is both parents and teachers only have partial knowledge and understanding of a child. However, a maximum cooperation between the two parties helps in bringing out the best in a child.
The responsibility-shifters would rather transfer their parental roles to other people. They tend to ignore the risk strangers pose to their children. Failing to beware of Greeks bearing gifts, they probably presume everyone mean well for their children. Children deserve a better treatment in every society, they should be well nurtured as parents breathe down their necks with a high level of sensitivity because of their vulnerability in the society. As long as parents are capable, there should be no shifting of responsibility at all.
As an educator, I have worked with some budding geniuses who were so unfortunate not to have enough parental support to bring out the best in them. But, I have also worked with children who blossomed with the full support and motivation they got through extraordinary parenting. The burning question within me is – What is responsible for responsibility shifting in parenting? Actually, many factors, including some justifiable ones could be responsible for loopholes in parenting, but we need to admit that whatsoever is worth doing at all is worth doing well, and without mincing words, excellent parenting is worth doing well. Ignoring the principles of excellent parenting is like burying one’s head in the sand, if ignored, the painful consequence haunts like a ghost.
There is nothing as golden as being a visionary parent. It has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt that parents who take parenting as a calling and life time job tend to raise purpose- driven children who take life as a purposeful adventure and not just as a game of luck. Looking at the big picture in Ben Carson’s autobiography, ‘Gifted Hands’, his mum wouldn’t let life dictate to Ben, rather, she bolstered him up to put down his blood, sweat and tears in becoming a successful world-renowned neurosurgeon. What more can I say about Amilcare
Anguissola, an Italian nobleman of the Renaissance who gave all his six daughters excellent Renaissance educations when discrimination against female gender was quite popular among other parents? He went as far as helping his daughter, Sofonisba, develop her painting talent, connecting her to Michelangelo for further encouragement and motivation. Not so much has been said about Sussana Wesley who’s no stranger in the world of excellent parenting. She saw parenting as a calling and took it to another level by deliberately spending quality time in imparting her children with good morals. This noble act later paid off as John and Charles, the Wesley brothers, later became classy and world-renowned charismatic and well respected leaders. Also, J.R.R Tolkien was an exemplary father figure who through his bedtime storytelling prowess got inspired to write The Hobit and The Lord of the Rings – the most popular fantasy fiction of the 20th century. All these case studies boil down to the fact that parenting involves a deliberate approach and well planned strategy.
I think the beginning of the end to the problem of lackadaisical parents is biting the bullet by admitting their fault with uttermost sincerity. We cannot afford parental negligence at this era where we claim to be the Giant of Africa but cater less for our over 18 million out-of-school children. We need a good riddance to this bad rubbish. This story of retrogression is enough, we need a breath of fresh air!
There is no alternative to bridging the gap between the children of the visionary parents and the victims of bad parenting than for every guilty parent to turn over a new leaf. To draw the curtain, I think every parent’s resolution should revolve round that of Sussana Wesley:
“I am not a man nor a minister, yet as a mother and a mistress I felt I ought to do more than I had yet done. I resolve to begin with my own children; in which I observe the following method: I take such a proportion of time as I can spare every night to discourse with each child apart.”
Reference
Sussana Wesley. http://en.wikipedia.org
Article written by Adedayo Ige, Early childhood educator and programme officer of Help Initiative
God bless Help Initiative.